Steppin Out Swingin

Hey yo it’s your good friend Michael Jae here to drop the bomb bitch!

Many people who are reading this may or may not remember me as many of you know me as a vile, crazy, witty, cruel, antagonistic asshole. So I am back on all these lovely websites that I have not been around for a while to say what’s up and give my take on some different topics just to let people know one, I am in the loop, and two, I still got the sugar baby.

First off, you can’t keep a good team down. The White Sox are playing some better ball and are on the way to winning that World Series ring once again. So to the whole AL Central, step the fuck off. But I would love to send some love to the three teams I hate the most. First, the Twins, you guys don’t even matter so far this year. To the Yankees, you are still the most evil empire on the planet, not because your owner buys players like they were the blue light special at K-Mart, but because your fans seem to have a bigger case of roid rage than the players. Always angry all of the time, and finally my biggest shout goes to that dumb ass team up north for some reason still gets mad props from the city of Chicago, the Cubbies. For all you people who bleed Cubbie blue, that is called an STD. It is an STD that your families passed on to you in desperation as a hopeless and pathetic attempt to bond with you. The S doesn’t stand for sexual; it stands for Santo as in Ron Santo who shits out of his mouth more than his ass every time he broadcasts out of WGN. You are all in need of transfusion, because Cubs are out, Sox are in, champs are in, so that is why the White Sox will win. GO SOX GO!

Secondly, this immigration shit is getting ridiculous. Why can’t anyone just try to use the proper channels rather than hop the fence? I love our neighbors down south, but no one and I mean no one should be allowed in our country without going through the proper channels. If you are here, and your visa expires and you are getting caught in some political mumbo jumbo, fight it as long as you can before they send you off. However if you don’t want to do things right, you are slapping your neighbors in the face who did it the right way. Remember that!

Tom Cruise is going to be on Diane Sawyer Friday. No her show, not on top of her, pervert! Get the violins, wine and cheese out so we can hear about how bad Tom Cruise’s dad was to him, and how him and Katie are not breaking up, and how L. Ron Hubbard is God. First off, if Tom Cruise was my son, I would never have a chance to wear a belt. Secondly, who gives a flying fuck if MI3 boy and Dawson Creek reject are splitting, and finally L. Ron Hubbard would lose in a wrestling match to Jesus any day of the week.

Jesse Jackson is getting ready to do some special on giving people a firsthand look at the devastation that Katrina caused. Well maybe ABC News or some other shit bag network can show a special on the devastation to time wasted on Jesse Jackson; the bad effects of this nationwide disaster that happens when a camera happens to be fifty feet from the man.

As I stated in my last article, Barry Bonds is doing some reality show where he is going to give it to you straight. Well we can only hope he is straight and not going through a roid rage episode when he so call tells you the truth.

George W Bush has denied a report by a journalist there was a plot to nuke Iran in an attempt to make them give into demands they relinquish their nuclear ambitions. Bush is quoted as saying, “What you are reading is wild speculation. Which is, kind of, you know, happens quite frequently here in the nation's capital.” Yes, and it also happened in Iraq about 2 or 3 years ago as well, didn’t it Georgie boy?

Speaking about wild, Tim McGraw and Faith Hill are going on tour again this summer. I dare someone to sneak into their dressing room and make a sex tape. I am just kidding. They’re country artists, they don’t have sex. They just sing about screwing and drinking, I think, that sucked, moving on.

So Meredith Vieria will be hosting the Today show leaving all those women and Star Jones and her incredibly shrinking if you want to call that a body to their lonesome. They say take a little time out to enjoy the view. Yeah, that sounds lovely. Star Jones and Barbara Walters together, what a view! By the way, memo to Elisabeth Hasselbeck, your husband lost the Superbowl, ha ha!

The Real World, MTV’s reality romp, will be in Denver this season. For a preview, watch any other Real World episode from the last few years. I promise you can’t tell the difference.
The Bradgelina bitches will be staying in Africa where Angelina Jolie will have her baby and will have lions guarding them from the media. Hey dumb asses; do you remember what happened to Roy?

And finally my guy Ricky Williams from the Dolphins is trying to appeal the suspension the NFL handed down to him for his forth violation of the drug abuse policy. Williams said it was an herb, not a drug that showed up. Yeah that is the argument stoners have been using for the last 50 or so years to justify hitting the pipe, myself included, and it is true, so get back soon so we can see the dolphins at Superbowl XLI, I think that is how they will write it.

And that’s a wrap people. Thank you and see you soon!
MJ

Bonds on Bond

Hello baseball fans. Welcome to the journal. Yes I know, the Sox are not doing so well. Not off to a good start, but believe it. The Sox will get back into the swing of it before the end of April and will be well on their way to dominating the AL Central. So Cub fans, bite me!

While we are on baseball, I would love to talk to about its greatest villain. Mr. Balco himself, Barry Bonds.

Now before I start in on him like so many have in the last couple of weeks. Let me say this is not a race thing. I know Mr. Bonds would like everyone to believe he is the victim of racial profiling or segregation or some other bullshit like that. But the real victim here is the game of baseball, and the cast of characters who have plagued it’s credibility over the last few years. The first one who should go down for this is Bud Selig.

Selig was watching the interest of baseball falling fast since the 1994 strike. The one where the Sox would have won it all. And then, in the later part of that decade two men, Mark McGuire and Sammy Sosa were racing towards the record that Roger Maris had. All of sudden the crowd goes wild! Baseball attendance numbers are starting to go up, television ratings are going up, merchandise going up, everything is going up so Bud Selig loved it. As soon as steroid allegations surfaced, especially about Sosa considering he was a skinny little twig when was with the White Sox, and turned into this huge monster, Selig did nothing about. He looked the other way because MLB stock was rising. Shame on him. Now he wants to do something. Way to go Buddy come lately.

I will never forget the day that McGuire, Sosa, Jose Conseco, Rafael Palmiero, and many others stood in front on Congress. All denying steroid use except for McGuire who is sitting there crying like a little bitch talking about focusing on the present and not the past and all that bullshit. Oh yeah, and then Sosa needs an interpreter. He didn’t need an interpreter when he sat there and said “no one could replace me,” regarding the Cubs. And who else is standing there with them. Barry Bonds himself.

This “Book of Shadows” book is one of many attacks against Bonds. It talks about how he was jealous of the home run derby between Sosa and McGuire, and he starting injecting himself with all kinds of drugs to become bigger. Barry Bonds many people felt was the new Mr. Baseball due to the fact many records held by various baseball stars were falling. However, common sense would tell you that Bonds was roiding.

When Bonds was playing with the Pirates, he was so skinny. He still was talented and was a great all star. He helped bring the Pirates to many playoff opportunities, but he choked during some of them. His flamboyant attitude pissed off manager Jim Leyland and he wanted Bonds gone, and he got his wish. So Bonds went to the Giants and then we got to see one of the biggest assholes in baseball emerge. Just read some of things that he has said in the last few years :

-Of his father was dying of cancer who was hired to be a hitting coach for the Giants, “he would never have had this job if it weren’t for me
-“My Grandmother wants me to get her some wheelchair that drives like a car. Why do I need to get her a wheelchair when she is going to die soon?”-New York Times interview
-About his wife “Toilet paper sits there and waits, just like her.”
-When kids approach him for autographs, he says “what the fuck are you doing here? You’re supposed to be in school

Class act! (Thanks to the Richard Roeper column in the Sun Times on 3/30/06 for those lovely Barryisms!) What an asshole. Fuck him. If karma is as beautiful as I think it is, Bonds will be sitting on the bench for the season, sitting in jail for perjury, and sitting on a dick for good measure. That would be fabulous. I think the best thing that could happen is if he gets the largest amount of bases on balls for 2006 because no one wanted to pitch to him so he could catch the record. All I know is what goes around comes around, and it will come faster than a Bobby Jenks fastball ready to smack this jack ass in the head.

MJ