February 23, 2005-The Oscars are Going to Rock

Awards for art are fucking idiotic. That’s poetry.

My name is Michael Jae and this is my journal.

It is about time we saw someone like Chris Rock take center stage in a huge event like the Oscars. Yes, Chris fucking Rock. It is time to celebrate people. In the dawn of an FCC witch hunt, the academy strapped on their balls and decided to take on Rock as a host.
Chris Rock (who I still see as Pooky from New Jack City all the time) is one of the best voices to represent this country. He may be vulgar, he may not be politically correct, but he says what many people are thinking. He is not running for public office or anything like that. He is a comedian, an entertainer. Most of the things he says are to be taken with a grain of salt. It is commentary on how he sees the world. That’s all. I believe he is a great choice for this event because in a city as fake as Hollywood, Rock is the reality wake up call for it.

Now, all the conservatives are crying like little bitches. Matt Drudge is on Hannity and Colmes crying about good and decent television being flushed down the drain. He says that this is the face of America. The Academy Awards is the face of America? He also goes on to say he is the face of the Internet, I’m sorry. The Granddad of the Internet. Look Sludge, you broke the story on Clinton OK? That doesn’t make you the Godfather of the internet. after all, Al Gore invented it, right? Let’s delve deeper into Mr. Drudge’s delusional mind shall we? He makes a comment that I guess America will have to tune into Desperate Housewives to watch family entertainment. OK a show that makes constant references to sex and violence is good clean family fun. I believe that Drudge has been sitting behind a computer too long. If you are so interested in blowing up presidential scandals, why don’t you go to the stink as you call it to the Bush administration? Oh I am sorry, you want to jerk him off because that is what conservatives like you do. My bad. I am not saying that Clinton was a prince, but Bush hasn’t done things right either.

That is what I love about Rock. He has no political affiliation. No party loyalty. Just plain old Chris Rock. What you see is what you get. Now Concerned Women for America (CWA), a right wing Christian special interest group say that they oppose Rock hosting the awards because he is too lewd, crude, and unacceptable. Look if GLAAD (Gay group) can see past the R-Rated Chris Rock, why can’t conservatives and the Bitches for Christ? Are you people that dumb? Do you understand that Mr. Rock is an adult and knows he is on network television and he will be somewhat restrained? He was the host of the VMA’s not too long ago. I think he offended artists, but who cares? He kept it clean on MTV. So I think scared little people can trust him to keep it clean on ABC.

And as far as the celebs go, maybe they need someone to offend them. Maybe they live such a ridiculous lifestyle and take life for granted so who cares? We as a society like to see celebs get insulted. The little man always likes to see Mr. Big get kicked in the balls. That is why we like people like Chris Rock. That is why Michael Jae is your good friend. I am not in the same league as Rock, but I do the same thing. I hold nothing back. I think Cunts Working for Assholes need to get a life and a new agenda. The academy is steadfast in their support for Rock. He’s not going anyway. So go outside Kodak and hold up your stupid signs, and have a Coke and a smile and stick it up your ass.

And the uproar about Rock saying it is a fashion show. Well, what do you call the first hour of the show? Kathy Griffin and that pig Star Jones asking everyone “what are you wearing?” They’re wearing dresses. That is what that long gown is and if you look in the mirror, you’ll make an amazing discovery. You're wearing a dress too. Wow! Oh my God! What a concept. What conspiracy! I admire Bjork for wearing the goose as a dress. She dressed based on her personal style, not what Valentino, Gucci, or Armani, or any one of those other fashion designers wanted for her. Elegance? Fuck that. It should be a party. People should have fun at the awards. To hell with the “pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon” attitude that comes with this. Chris Rock is the answer to the awards to make it a fun show. The show drags for hours and hours. You need a little something something to make it fun. Bravo to Gil Cates for taking a risk to bring better entertainment to the Oscars.

Until we can loosen up a little bit about what’s going on television, and stop thinking about Superbowl XXXVIII, we are never going to move forward as a society. So people can be a little politically incorrect at times. That is what is great about America. We can live our lives knowing that if we don’t like something, we can voice our opinion. I will be watching Chris Rock at the Oscars and I hope he is ready to attack. I am very interested in what is going to happen.

Thank you for reading and be sure you watch as Michael Jae gets an Oscar for producing bullshit like the mJp. Thank you and don’t forget to vote!!!!!!

MJ

February 17, 2005 (Swing Batter Batter Swing)

Hello folks. Welcome to the journal. I would like to throw out a couple of quick comments before we get started this week. First to the academy for the Oscars, learn how to take a fucking joke. Apparently Chris Rock made a comment that only gay people watch the award fiasco, and people got offended. You know what, this is the most attention the Oscars got in a long time so why don’t you find a carrot to sit on and shut the fuck up. Second, it is nice to know that the Iraqis have the results to their elections. Can our soldiers go home now? And finally congrats to Kanye West for kicking ass at the Grammys.

Now, let’s talk about baseball. Yes baseball. That game when you pitch the ball, you hit the ball and you throw the ball as it was so elegantly explained in the movie Bull Durham. I know every guy out there can remember the first baseball game they ever went to with their father. I had my first beer at a baseball game. I was able to bond with my father for nine innings (whenever he would stay for them), which was a stretch because there was never any other time. My first game was at Comiskey Park in 1984 when the White Sox took a dive to the Toronto Blue Jays 8 to 4.

As the years went on, these superhuman players came out from nowhere. I can remember when heroes like Harold Baines, Carlton Fisk, Greg “The Bull” Luzinski, Ron Kittle, and ofcourse Tony LaRussa as their manager. And then on the other side of the city, those useless Cubs. Ryne Sandberg, Gary Matthews, Leon Durham, blah, blah. All these guys were awesome players. But then in the late 80’s, we saw a new breed of superstar come through. Players like Mark Mcgwire, Barry Bonds, Roger Clemmens, Sammy Sosa, and ofcourse, Jose Canseco.
Now Canseco was considered one of baseballs next big things. He helped the Oakland A’s get to the World Series in 1988 while he brought home an American League MVP award. As years went on Canseco was always in the spotlight, from getting speeding tickets to his hitting sprees of terror. However, Canseco was also known as a troublemaker. He was in the tabloids due to his fling with Madonna. He was given a 5 year $23 million deal, which led to the monster salaries players make nowadays. His 1-900 number pissed off teammates and once in New York, Canseco almost fought with a fan who was mocking his relationship with Madonna. He was becoming more and more cocky by each season. He made a comment that he was traded to Ethopia for a box of Fruit Loops and a camel to be named later when he was traded to Texas during a playoff run in 1992. He snapped his head against the wall, and pitched! It is obvious to me that this guy was addicted to fame. He unfortunately had a stint with the White Sox in 2001, but he contributed nothing.

As many people know, Jose Canseco just published a book entitled “Juiced.” In it and during his 60 minutes interview this past weekend, Canseco talks about how he used steroids. He says he would never have been the player he was without the roids. Back in the day, people were saying that he was using, but it was nowhere near the heat players take now. Concerns elevated when he was caught with a handgun and of course the speeding we talked about earlier. He attacked fans, tourists, and even his own wife. All of these can be considered examples of “roid rage.” He also talked about how he injects growth hormones and steroids into Mark Mcgwire and Jason Giambi when he rejoined the A’s later in his career. Sounds like a hell of a life.

As many know, steroids have plagued the league for the last 10 years or so. People doing superhuman things like hitting 70 home runs. But with all this comes a price. Think about how many times Canseco was injured in his career. Think about the infamous sneeze when Sammy Sosa was out for a while. Barry Bonds does seem angry a lot doesn’t he? It is a shame that many of the records by people back in the day are being broken by players who cheat. To some it may not be a big deal. It is just baseball, right? However, like I said earlier. Think about the fact that baseball is such a past time for so many people growing up. Is a message being sent to them that it is OK to cheat?

But let’s take a look at the real story here. Canseco. Is he lying? Although I can admire him for having the stones to call out most of the league, is this another publicity stunt going wrong? Tony LaRussa, his former manager told 60 minutes, "I don't think there's any doubt that it's a fabrication. The product of our good play and the size and strength of our players -- Mark was a great example. What we saw was a lot of hard work. And hard work will produce strength gains and size gains.(1)" In other words, I guess what baseball is saying is “consider the source.” Canseco was addicted to the fame. He lived in the spotlight. He was one of baseballs villains back in the late 80’s and early 90’s. He was a tabloid darling. This could all be a publicity stunt to make his star shine brighter, and considering that he is such an asshole, this comment may be true.

I never was a big fan of Canseco, or the A’s for that matter, but I cheered for Mcgwire in ’98 when he beat Sosa for the home run title that Roger Marris had. But was one of the most exciting times in baseball, which was the shot in the arm they needed after a vicious strike, which alienated many baseball fans. Yet, this could have all of been a lie. A very evil lie if what Canseco says is true. We have already seen people like Jason Giambi and Barry Bonds lose weight and become tragedies of the game, but it is going to take more than some piece of fodder that some shithead who thought he was all that back in the day wrote to convince people that the game was tainted now and will change forever in the future.

MJ

Sources
1. “Steroid User Canseco Names Names” CBS News February 13, 2005.
2. Baseball Library.com; Jose Canseco

February 9 , 2005 (Save Yourselves)

Welcome to this weeks journal. I would like to say I won my bet for the Superbowl and there was no wardrobe malfunction. After all, if Paul McCartney’s balls popped out of the zipper, even I would have complained. No one wants to see that shit.

Anyway, I wanted to talk about our society right now. I wrote off the whole Brad and Jen break up as stupid gossip, but now it has become somewhat of a phenomenon in gossip magazines everywhere. This is ridiculous.

It is sad that some poor ass woman somewhere in America gets more pleasure out of the whole triangle involving Angelina Jolie than they do raising their kids. I can’t believe the shit they put on these magazines. I used to think that tabloids like Star and Globe, and let’s not forget the National Enquirer were the only ones who dealt with stupid shit like this. Now we see respectable magazines like US, People, In Touch and the E! Network covers this shit on a daily basis. If they are not careful, someone might drop some white powder in their headquarters too. I believe that was a statement of “this stuff is bullshit.” I am only kidding. I don’t think anthrax should be used to critique shitty journalism, just to shut up Paris Hilton. I kid, I kid.

But Paris Hilton is an example of the errors of America. Here is a woman who is the daughter of people who own a hotel, a prestigious hotel chain at that, and all she does is makes a fool out of herself and thus becomes a mockery to the Hilton name. She has been out dating and most likely fucking God knows how many people in the last few years. She turns up in some porno DVD, which she steals from a newsstand and is acquitted. There are so many times when we see her on camera drunk, or maybe she’s fucked up on something that hasn’t even been invented yet. Yet, she is one of the most fascinating people of 2004 according to Barbara Walters, she hosts Saturday Night Live, she gets a book published; what the hell is happening here?

Well now it’s my turn. Brad, Jen, Angelina, who the fuck cares? It is obvious that Brad Pitt can get anyone he wants, Jennifer Anniston will never be a star unless she is Rachel Green, and Angelina Jolie is Hollywood’s favorite home wrecker. So what? Who cares? Bad question. Obviously many Americans do because it comes up in the media so much. Why are marriages cover stories anyway? The Bennifer saga made everyone want to gag, Jessica and Nick should get themselves a new reality show, and now Ben Affleck, since he hasn’t done anything good since Boiler Room is making his star rise by getting in the rags. He is banging Jennifer Garner. So what? When is America going to stop caring about celebrities and start caring about themselves?

We have war going on, a President is telling us our retirement money is going to be gone, gas prices go up, sales taxes rise, tolls double, and all we care about is which way Brad and Jen or Angelina have sex. Doggy style, reverse cowgirl, missionary, oral, anal, etc, etc. Our civil liberties and basic freedoms are being flushed down the toilet and all we can think about is when Britney is going to have a baby. Paris Hilton sucked on SNL out loud. The Simple Life should be renamed to Debutant Drop Out School. The people who are gracing Hollywood lights, are tarnishing American skies. We need to stop caring about these stupid people so they fade away sooner than later.

That’s it. I having nothing else to say. It is nice to appreciate the talents of those celebs who have some, and trash the ones who don’t. I’m Michael Jae, and this is another edition of “Take Back Your Life.”

MJ

February 2, 2005 (Fear Controls the Climate)

Welcome to another edition of J^2. Although there are many juicy topics coming up, like Sammy Sosa’s departure from the worst team in baseball to the whole W social security smokescreen, we are on the eve of the Superbowl. I thought it would be great to discuss what was the beginning of a witch hunt that has many people in the media on their toes.
It was quite harmless actually. Janet Jackson having a cup of her top ripped off by Justin Timberlake. You barely saw anything. And if you did, you had the pleasure of a piercing covering the nipple. However many people were so offended by this. I don’t get it. Maybe someone can explain.

"Those few seconds started a renewed obsession with perceived public indecency in this country," said University of Southern California communications professor Marty Kaplan (1).
So OK, why this incident? Explain Mr. Kaplan.

"Since the Janet Jackson episode, there has been a witch-hunt atmosphere going on in this country, which has to do with our puritan history,(2)"

So I see. So instead of our country making progress, we are regressing. We are going back to the days of the Puritans where they would burn witches at the stake. Who are the witches? The people in the world that have something to say. Are they becoming witches because some idiot decided it would be fun to show their tit on national television during the Superbowl which for all intended purposes can be considered as one of the biggest stages on Earth.

Before this incident, there were some others that could have been the measuring stick for the FCC to follow with not just TV but radio as well:

On network television, Bono utters the phrase “It’s fucking brilliant” at the Golden Globes, at NBC fails to bleep it.
Opie and Anthony, two shock jocks from New York broadcast a recount of sexual activity going on inside the St. Patrick’s cathedral due to a contest they dreamed up.
The Real World on MTV depicts sexual activity just about everywhere
Oprah Winfrey talks in great detail about sexual acts on her shows, educational or not. It still talks about it at 9am in the fucking morning.
SRTV broadcasts through millions of homes with the Stoned Ranger saying the world fuck every two minutes or so.

So my question is considering everything above, why is it the super bowl has created a police state mentality for our country? People are afraid to speak up now more than ever. It may have something to do with the red/blue state bullshit the media has been talking about so much lately.

Think about it. The conservative mentality says if you speak against GW, you are a traitor. If you question anything our government is doing, you are a Al Qaeda operative. We want you to have a nice house, with two kids, two cars, two car garage, white fence, blah, blah, blah. That is your role as a patriotic American. Do not fuck with this.

We now live in a country where network affiliates are afraid to show “Saving Private Ryan.” A movie that celebrates war, which is something we have endured as a country to protect freedom (so they use as a tagline for Iraq.) We live in a country where people freak out about making fun of the Tsunami. Yes, I know many people died, but let’s get a fucking life. Satire is satire. We tiptoe around everyone nowadays.

If someone is white they make fun of someone who is black, it’s racism. If it is reverse, it’s comedy in the eyes of many. One of the biggest myths out there is that everything offends blacks. They have a sense of humor too, and if the stunt or bit is not degrading or depicts them in a negative manner and is in good fun, they will not make a fuss about it. It is quite racist to believe that they flip out about everything. In other words, the black community doesn’t have a hang up with race, the majority of white America does.

And look at the way things are right now. Nicolette Sheridan disrobes from a towel and jumps into Terrell Owens arms. Ooooh scary. Vince Neil drops an F-bomb and says “Happy Fucking New Year.” Call the morality police. Our 10 o’clock news depicts more violence in 5-10 minutes than an entire episode of CSI. Reality may be the real offender here. After all, a reality show was fined $1 million dollars for indecency. They are the shows that really push the envelope. However I think it all comes down to one factor. The shows will be there because they bring revenue for lots of people. Many products get sold, many stars are made, and you know the whole song and dance.

Bottom line, we need to loosen up a little here. We are going from the land of the free to we have a big piece of shit stuck up our ass called morality. You define morality. You know the difference between right and wrong. You know you have a wife and you shouldn’t stick your dick in another woman. You know if that a co-worker pisses you off, it isn’t really polite to shoot him in the face with an AK 47 the next day. You know if you need money, you don’t go to the liquor store and rob it. You know the difference between right and wrong, good and evil, left and right, Heckle and Jekyll. Blah, blah, blah blah fuckedy blah.

It is a shame that our government and the FCC believe that America doesn’t know the difference between right and wrong. It also is quite sad that the government forgot that most human being possess something called freewill and parenting skills. It is up to the parents to decide what is right for their children. If someone finds something offensive, they will change the channel and watch something else. Do entertainers influence people, absolutely. Especially kids. That is why you need to take them aside and beat them. Anyone who thought I was serious fits the above paragraph. Of course you don’t beat your kids. If I have to tell you that, I can give you the number of a good shrink before you hurt yourself and others around you.

Back to topic, seriously, you need to help your children understand that there is more to life that bitches and hos. The media has always had things on it that offend people, but what some people find offensive, I can find you people that don’t. I have a solution to this that I can propose to America. Instead of letting government, special interests, and the FCC do your job as a parent and give them more power than they already have, you need to raise your kids and tell them all those people who try to tell you are not doing a good job to go fuck themselves. If you really are bothered by something on TV, change the channel. In this day an age there are about 400 to choose from. When someone decides to watch offensive programming, it is a choice. No one is putting a fucking gun to your head telling you to watch it. Take the power back, change the channel. Thank you.

Remember, in case I forgot, the Superbowl is coming. I got the Eagles+10. Later.
MJ


Works cited
1,2 “Nipplegate Sparks U.S. Puritanism” www.sundaytimes.com December 24, 2004