January 28, 2005 (It's a Small Bush World)

Hello friends. Welcome to the journal. This week I would like to talk about George W…AGAIN

Well it was nice to know that many of the backers of GW didn’t spare any expense when supporting their number one puppet. Auto industries, pharmaceutical companies, energy giants, and even tobacco industries foot the $40 million that helped to fund W’s “time to fuck the country” party. That is his inauguration by the way. I can see what issues will be the important ones now, and what issues will be ignored.

First off, I want to make a comment about the Social Security smoke screen. I feel that presidents use this when they really fucked up. Clinton talked about it when Lewinsky happened, Bush the first talked about it when his deficit began, and now Bush 2 is talking about it after it was announced that Iraq has no WMDs. The only way we can see social security depleting is if our government mismanages it. There are millions of Americans out there who have social security deducted out of their check on a weekly basis. For anyone to suggest that it is going into the red is just crazy.

Next off, Bush has said he has talked to the powers that be (that he helped install) in Iraq, and they want us to stay and train them some more. You know it is like the kid who is being left home alone for the first time. He is scared and cries and does whatever he can to keep mommy and daddy home. For God’s sake W, cut the umbilical cord. We have lost 1,000 soldiers for the notion that we were defending our country from the evil WMDs that were in Iraq. There are none so let’s pack it up and go home. Let them deal with the insurgents. Let them deal with the country. How can you expect them to function when we are up their ass? We have lost enough men and women who are Americans for whatever reason. Charity begins at home. I believe when you ask for another $80 billion, you are smoking more than what you contributors produce.

And while we are on the subject of money, may I say what a puss? W says he is going to contribute money to the Tsunami victims, and when this piece of shit from the UN official Jan Egeland calls us cheap, he ups the ante over $300,000. If you gave a shit what the UN thinks of us, why did we go to Iraq in the first place? As I said before, charity begins at home. If you want to be the President of Iraq, get on Air Force One, jump off the plane, and stay there. Since most of your policy is directed to that country.

I can’t believe the American people voted for this clown. I am sure Kerry wouldn’t have done much better, but I believe after four years of being attacked, becoming the most hated country on Earth, and deficits in the billions, we needed a change.

Nevertheless, it isn’t just the Presidency that is going down the toilet. Many things are happening that tell me the world is going to hell in a hand basket.
-Britney Spears released a Greatest Hits album
-Michael Jackson is on trial for child molestation. Here is an icon that everyone admired who now looks like Pinocchio on crack fondling Jiminy Cricket.
-The Boston Red Sox won the World Series
-Someone got shot dead in my stomping ground of Elk Grove Village this morning. I lived there for 16 years and no one ever got shot there before

Yep, we're becoming extinct. See you next week.
MJ

January 18, 2004 (The Price May Be Right, but the People?)

Hello everyone. Welcome to the journal. This week I want to tell you about a little piece of my vacation. This occurred when we went to see the Price is Right being taped live before our eyes.

I always loved the show when I was younger. I liked playing along with the games, and thought it was pretty decent. Now, it is mobbed by fraternity brothers and sisters looking for a way to get the next keg in their truck. It also is an excuse for you to write on your T-shirt. It is a phenomenon. It is an event.

The Price is Right has been on CBS for 33 years and has been hosted by Bob Barker, who is the idol of many of the people who come to this taping. I find it funny that someone who has sexually harassed just about everyone of the women who come to work as one of his “beauties” and ended up banging one of the them is a role model. What’s more, according to many people who have worked on the show, he was also a very vicious employer. I don’t see the fascination about this man. I feel that viewing this man as a hero is like giving Saddam Hussein a pardon for all the people he has killed over the years. The man has been sued multiple times and always slips through the back door.

All these morons that came to the taping have little phrases on their shirts. “We love Bob”, “Bob my mother watched you for years”, “Bob, you are the greatest.” I couldn’t find the “Bob you hit on my sister you asshole” shirt anywhere. Most of the people who came to the taping looked like they weren’t even old enough to attend high school. There were people running up and down the benches practicing for when the announcer says “come on down!” One guy said he quit his job to get on the show and win. What a bunch of losers. Yes I know, I went to the taping. But I only went to see a taping of the show that I enjoyed as a young boy out of curiosity. I have always been fascinated with television. Maybe that is why I do a show. I don’t know.

Anyway, the process just to watch the show is excruciating. You have to be there at 6am. From there you wait until 8am to get a priority number. Then you are told to come back two hours later. At this point, I walked over to the Farmer’s Market and had some good hash browns. Just wanted to throw them a shout to say “good hash browns.” So then at 10am I was back at CBS television city and then I got to sit and wait for 4 hours. I did get a chance to talk to the producer because if you sit in the audience, you are a potential candidate to come on down to contestants row. I think that is part of the attraction for the audience who looked like they just
walked out of a sale for the Salvation Army store.

After that you go in the studio, and the studio is very much smaller than it looks on TV. It was amazing to see like ten people on stage at one time, but you don’t see that when you watch the show. While we are waiting for the show to begin, there are many top 40 songs playing, but when “Hey Ya” came on, the room went nuts. Fucking dorks.

Then they played the “Let’s Get Ready to Rumble” thing that Buffer does (I heard a rumor that he will pay you a percentage of his lawsuit if you point out to him that someone is using his catch phrase in an unauthorized way. I plan on e-mailing him after I send this) and then they play some techno version of the opening theme. Nice. Then the new announcer Rich Fields tells us how he was so excited to become the announcer. Yawn. Finally the show starts and the room erupts. Hell, when they are calling people you can’t even hear them, so some dude holds up cue cards with names on them.

No I didn’t get called, but it was OK. I was there not really to win, but just to experience this. Although the show is legendary and is interesting, I do not understand how it turned people into total whack jobs. I guess silly things like “The Price is Right” have a way of doing that on people. If you ever go to visit Los Angeles, make sure you visit the Price is Right. Especially after smoking a nice big joint. You are sure to be entertained for hours. Not because of the show, but the morons who have helped to keep this machine running for 30+ years.

That is all for now. See you next week.

MJ

January 8, 2004 (Tsunamis and other things)

Hello and welcome to the first Journal of 2005. Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

I have so much to say and so little time. Well maybe not so little time, but I know your time is valuable so I will try not to take too much of it. So here it goes.

First off, I feel bad for the Tsunami victims, however, I think that we are spending way too much money for them. First I thought, $350 million, great! Nice gesture W! Now in hindsight I believe this is a mistake. I think that many Americans believe that some of the countries there are enemy states. I can say that in the middle of Indonesia, many people were jumping up and down when we were attacked on 9/11, and not in a bad way. They were actually celebrating like New Year’s Eve just hit Times Square. Why should all Americans have to donate their tax dollars for this? Furthermore the UN accuses the US of being cheap. Come on. Who is the first country to provide aid to countries when they need it? Grant it our president may be a schmuck, but what about the ones before him? Charity begins at home, and our president needs to focus on the state of our country before he goes and plays Red Cross. A charity here in Chicago alone raised $1.5 million. Many celebrities are donating money. Charities are raising money from here and there and charities are raising money from everywhere. I do not like green eggs and ham. I do not like them Sam I am.

Point being, the President should have donated maybe $5-$10 million. I can accept that. Money was coming from all these other places and some people believe that taxes should have been raised to help the victims. If you want to raise taxes to help another country, go live there. Where were they when 9/11 happened? (See above if you missed it) OK Sri Lanka is cool. Give Sri Lanka money. They’re nice people. I am sorry about all the children dying and all the sweatshops getting swept up, but if aid should be provided to help the Tsunami victims, it should be a choice by the people of this nation, not the people who run it.

Speaking about fucked up shit in America, Michael Moore and some members of the House of Representatives think that they will be able to pressure a recount in Ohio. I think Mr. Moore should recount his brain cells and give it up. I am not a fan of Bush, but the religious right has spoken, and they want to see moral values return to America. No more nipples from Janet Jackson, no more Grand Theft Auto, no more bullshit. Just America stranded in their 2-car garage with a picket fence and a family of four who sits down together for dinner at 5pm on the dot. Besides for people like me, this means 4 more years of picking on the monkey boy. Think about it, would John Kerry fuck up the country more than Bushie boy? Well yeah probably, but I guess Coke is better than Pepsi right? Back on track, Michael Moore needs to get a life or a new hobby. Maybe he can do a documentary on the lip-syncing scandal, or write a book about the letters Tsunami victims wrote. I appreciate what the man has done, but enough is enough. Either way, let it go big guy. Anyone who says Tom Hanks would be a great president should be placed in Moldavia during that wedding scene.

While we are on W, apparently he is doing his best to destroy media as we know it. The Department of Education paid conservative commentator Armstrong Williams $240,000 to support the “No Child Left Behind” act and rate other journalists on the job they are doing. That is what we call in the business, “payola.” First off, it they would spend money to fund it rather than let it fall under budget year after year, maybe they would accomplish something. And in an attempt to save money, they could have gone to Sean Hannity. I am sure W’s number one cheerleader would have done it for free.

In other news, Brad Pitt and Jennifer Anniston are breaking up. WHO FUCKING CARES? The two of them can go smoke a bong and shove it up their ass for all I care. Maybe Anniston can shove it somewhere else since her boy won’t be around anymore to satisfy her.

Apparently, a gardener is taking Star Jones, excuse me, Star Jones Reynolds to court because she owes him $7,000 for a job that he did for her. She offered to pay him with an autographed photo. Look here Star, why don’t you just pay the man for the work he did so you can get back to other things. Like trying to figure out how to get your new husband in the mood to so you can have the child that is going to want to crawl back inside of you after saying “this is my mom, shit God, I thought you loved everyone.”

And finally, what could be more rewarding than what happened at the Orange Bowl when stupid ass Ashlee Simpson was booed off the stage. I don’t know if the crowd just didn’t like her, or because she decided to try singing herself for a change.

And that will do it for the journal. Have yourself a wonderful day.

Your good friend,
MJ