December 30, 2004 (Reflecting on 2004)

THE JAE JOURNAL
December 30, 2004

Hello everyone and welcome to this special New Year edition of the Journal. I just want to let people know that a magazine called “The Cheers” has taken the special task of publishing this fine piece of art week after week. The website is www.thecheers.org and if you get a chance you should check it out. My buddy Andy Martello (the juggler you have seen on SRTV/MJP) is a columnist there and I hope to soon follow his footsteps. The feedback has been good, but there are some haters who wish they could write as well as me, but end up making a dyslexic look more organized than a palm pilot. To all J Street readers, I know I haven't been leaving audio posts lately. But we start again in 2005.

Anway as we come to the end of 2004, I wanted to reflect on some things this year and give my seal of approval and disapproval. So let’s take a look at the list.

Best movie of 2004
This is a very hard topic considering the fact there were not many good movies this year. Especially when people tell you how great movies are and they end up just sucking. I even had to look up a list of what came out this year. I know that makes me a stoner, but whatever.

I would have to say Troy was the best movie of 2004 because it has what everyone loves; sex, violence, war, yelling. I liked it because it served the story well. The Trojan horse is an awesome thing. I thought it was well written and played out. I like the part with all the boats in the ocean. It just was a great movie. I did not get a chance to see the Aviator, but I have a feeling that will kick Troy’s ass. I liked the Manchurian Candidate too, but I thought the ending sucked.

Worst movie of 2004
The fucking Terminal. No question about it. My girlfriend made me see it, so when a girlfriend makes you see a movie guys, you know it is going to blow. Tom Hanks had the worst Russian accent I have ever heard. If you think that Stanley Tucci is going to keep me in an airport, you are out of your mind. I thought the movie went on too long. I felt like a drop of water kept hitting me in the face and no matter where I moved, that drop kept hitting me. I think I fell asleep a couple times too.

Best CD of 2004
It was a good year for music. Fear Factory, who is my favorite band, came back to life with Archetype. Awesome record. Killswitch Engage’s follow up was tighter than their debut in 2002. The New Danger by Mos Def is a good record. I just got it last week. However it was one man who released his album late last year and it made a buzz at the beginning of this year. That would be Kanye West.

I thought that his album defined mainstream hip-hop to what is should be. From the heart. He talks a lot of shit, but he backs it up with very meaningful songs about family, life, and coming up from Chicago’s south side. College Dropout was a great album, but I hate the workout song. I skip it every time I listen to it. If idiots like Nelly, G-Unit, Eminem (who used to have this formula, but lost it when he became more famous) followed his formula; I believe hip-hop would be back to the greatness it was back in the 80’s. It isn’t all about the money, and the bling. It is about how am I going to make it past this one day. No matter how much money I have.

Worst album of 2004 (that I actually took the time out to listen to)
Nelly’s Sweat/Suit definitely was up there considering the singles I heard. R. Kelly and Usher recorded the same record, and that is just judging by the singles. However, I was very sad to pass judgment on the album I couldn’t stand this year.

Bjork has always made great records. Debut and Post were great. However her latest effort Medulla needs a transplant. There is barely any music on the record. A lot of it is Bjork making breathing noises like she is having an orgasm with a toaster. There is some percussion but a lot of it is Bjork whining on about shit I can’t even understand. She is a creative force, but this album went way over the top for me. It may not be a bad album for some, but it is definitely an acquired taste.

Best book of 2004
One person who I have fallen in love with (not her but her writing) over the course of the last 8 months is Maureen Dowd. Her book “Bushworld” breaks down the hypocrisy of the Bush administration from day one. All the power and the corruption and the greed, and how it all came to pass. I am still in the process of reading it, but so far I love it. I love it so much, I owe the library $7 in overdue fees.

Worst book of 2004
There weren’t any bad books I read this year, sorry

Best TV series of 2004
Anyone who makes fun of me for this one, I don’t care. Desperate Housewives is fucking hilarious. You can’t knock it until you watch it. These women are some of the most twisted women I have ever seen in my life. From stealing your kids Ritalin, to having an affair with your gardener who is in high school and all the other twists, it is a very funny and unique show.

Worst TV series of 2004
Friends and Sex in the City and thank god they both are off the air. Friends may have been funny the first season, but it totally overstayed it’s welcome. When Rachel had the baby, they should have ended it there. It turned into a soap opera from that point on, not that I have a problem with soaps, just don’t be a comedy first and turn into that. SITC just sucks. I hate Sarah Jessica Parker. I think someone should stuff her in one of those boxes she holds to the camera for those damn Gap commercials. The idea that four women talk about women things (i.e. pregnancy, love, periods) may go well with the girls, but me being a guy, fuck that shit.

Who really impressed me in 2004

No one. Actually I found a few people impressive. First, Beyonce. I have to give the girl credit. She did exactly what she said she would do. She rejoined Destiny’s Child. She didn’t leave her girls hanging. That is admirable.

Barrack Obamma. His speech at the DNC was incredible and he ran his race with honor. He did not launch any negative campaigns against that crazy man Alan Keyes. He really didn’t have to, but he knew that an instead of focusing on how fucked Keyes was, he talked about how great he was. Good for him.

And Mr. Mancow Muller actually got my vote. Mancow was always a big influence for me to get into the radio biz. However, I resented him for a long time because he made the jump for the money (which I understand now since I am older and wiser since back then), and I felt like he was copying Stern as well. However, over the last year, I believe marriage, the FCC craziness, and many other factors have brought Cow back to the guy I heard on Rock 103.5 ten years ago. I feel like he has become a little more honest with his listeners. Many may disagree, but that is my opinion.

Who Pissed Me off in 2004
Just about everyone if you have been keeping up with the Journal since the beginning of the year.

So that’s it. 2004. What a year. For me personally it was a year of transition. From the craziness of the Stoned Ranger, to who I am today, I have come a long way. I graduated with high honors and did an internship with 3 people who I dreamed of working with when I was younger. I did a great radio show for a year that made people smile, and made my co-host want to kill me. (Well maybe not) I brought a new show to television, which many of you who loved the Stoned Ranger still can’t get used to, but you soon will. 2004 has been a year of discovery for me. To find the person that I truly am and finding a way just to be myself, I have found success within myself. Now in 2005, it is time to find that job, get on the air and kick some ass. The MJP will grow and many of you who watch it will not be disappointed. I do not fear the future; I embrace it and am ready to take it on. For all of you who do do not fear the future. Fear right now, because Michael Jae is on his way!!!!!!

Happy New Year everyone. See you in’05.
Your good friend MJ

December 22, 2004 (Happy holidays)

Hello and Merry Christmas to all. I really have nothing to say for Christmas except for this…

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the pressThere was a ho named Paris removing her dressThe stockings were hung on the chimney with careWhile Oprah the saint had all this cool shit to share

While Martha Stewart was sad, and sat in her cageRonnie from Indy flew in the stands with a furious rageJanet with her outfit, and Mr. Moore in his capAnd watching Scott Peterson go down, for a long dirt nap

When on Saturday Night Live, I witnessed a clatter I turned up the volume, to see what was the matter It was Ashlee Simpson, singing a song But wait she wasn’t singing I guess I was wrong
I turned off the TV, and went to right upstairs to bed Jesus Christ, did Barry Bonds really have a big head? On top of the house, I heard such a racket Oh shit, it’s Santa Claus, and he has no jacket

He filled the stockings with so much shit to spare He brought over a wig, to cover Donald’s bad hair He brought hooked on phonics too, to help a special guy His name is GW, something new for him to try

He left more stuff, for all to enjoy Ahh, but don’t forget for the factor, a brand new sex toy He then got on his sleigh, with all those wanna be’s On Fantasia, on Omarossa, on Amber if you please

So 2004, what a year it has been From a live strong bracelet, to Jennifer and Ben And to all of the people who read this, who don’t think it’s right Merry Christmas to all, and to all, take a bite.
Yes my rhyming may be off some, but it is funny. Happy Holidays.
MJ

December 17, 2004 (White Sox)

THE JAE JOURNAL
December 17, 2004

Hello everyone, welcome to the Jae Journal. I am a very pissed off person this week. Sure Scott Peterson is guilty and that tickles a lot of people. Sure Bernie Kerik screwed up big time, and that tickles a lot of people. However I am very upset because our hometown heroes (at least the good half of the city) really dropped the ball.

The Chicago White Sox every year come close to conquering their division, but fall short due to many different things. Bad management, not enough effort from players, blah, blah, blah. However I feel like we are taking a turn towards 1997. This starts with the treatment of Magglio Ordonez.

Ordonez was dogged by Williams left and right saying he was avoiding management and was not interested in dealing when all along Maggs said he wanted to stay. How many times did Maggs say “I want to stay with the White Sox.” I didn’t feel so bad about letting him go because I feel he is becoming an ambulance case. Yet, nothing could prepare me for the shock I felt this week.

When it was announced the Carlos Lee was traded for Scott Podsednik, it made me sick. Sure the man may have stolen 70 bases, but that is not going to help the ailing infield that the Sox have. Carlos Lee’s BA was .305 with 31 home runs where Podsednik’s BA was .244. If this man was a superb infielder, fine. But he is just replacing Lee’s position, which would not need to replaced if he were not traded. I am so surprised because with the way Williams has been thinking lately, I thought for sure Ross Gload or Willie Harris would have played his position.

Our infield has only one consistent member right now and that’s Paul Konerko. Rumors are abound he will be going too. Joe Crede can hit, but can’t field worth shit. Willie Harris is average, and Juan Uribe, although he started off real well last season, he did not stay consistent. I am sure Valetin will be sent packing, but I will not lose sleep over that because of how poorly he played defensively last year. They keep talking about putting Gload in for Konerko, which is just stupidity. I still hate the fact they got rid of Olivo. Freddie Garcia did shit this year.

Bottom line, Reinsdorf never wants to free up money. As proven in the past, Reinsdorf don’t really give a flying fuck if the Sox win a title. Here is a man who dismantled one of the greatest dynasties in sports for what reason God knows. I am surprised we are not sitting in some swamp in Florida. I don’t know if anyone remembers that. The Sox were supposed to go to Florida sometime in the late 80’s. We were 3 games behind the Indians in ’97 and our star pitchers are sent packing. Comiskey Park becomes U.S. Cellular Field. I don’t know where else I can go with this, but it is bullshit. This is a team I have loved since I was 6 years old. A team I saw dominate in 1983 and 2000. A team I saw kick the shit out of a worthless “other” Chicago team for years and years. And I feel it is all falling apart.

I guess we will see what happens once we get into the season. Maybe some other moves will be made before April. Maybe some profitable things will take place. All I know is I have had many Cub fans call me and say, “maybe you should come to the North side.” I would rather be tied up listening to Sammy Sosa’s boom box than ever become one of you. The Sox could have preschoolers on their team versus the star talent on the Cubs and I would still be a Sox fan.

All I ask is that Sox management don’t make the stupid decisions. Leave that to the Cub fans. You know, cheer for a bad team, support a stadium that is falling apart, find more underage prostitutes at your ballpark, drink Budweiser over Miller, and consider a drunk who couldn’t even remember what inning he was in an icon. Thank you. I am sure all you Cub fans are going to pounce now. If you want to pounce on something, maybe you should go to Lincoln Park Zoo and find a goat. Just remember one thing, last year, we were in second, you were in third. Have a nice day.

MJ

P.S. I do apologize about the underage prostitute comment. That was wrong. Prostitutes charge money for sex.

P.S.S. The year in review is on its way!!!!!

Audio Blog 12/14/04

Audio Blog 12/13/04

Audio Blog 12/12/04

December 12, 2004 (10 Most Fascinating People)

THE JAE JOURNAL
December 12, 2004

Welcome to the Journal. Today we look at the 10 most fascinating people according to the little world of Barbara Walters and bring it down to the common level. I do believe that Ms. Walters is in no place to make these kinds of judgments on people since she is retiring. Therefore, I think I should take over the job. So here we go.

This was in no particular order by the way…

1) Karl Rove
The Most Fascinating person of 2004? Yeah he is fascinating all right. He is the man behind the whole “us vs. them” mentality that many people in this country have. You know, if you criticize W, you are a terrorist. He has helped to invoke fear in many of the great people in this nation. He is a rabble-rouser and a puppet master. If Rove tells Bushie to read a sentence, Bush will. Whether it will be note for note is a whole new issue. Karl Rove has helped divide this country by his strategy of “Bush winning the vote based on the morals and values.” Yet, my idea of morals and values isn’t by going back to the 1940’s where everything was so happy. I feel that is the direction Rove and Bush want to take the country and I think we can’t go back to that era. Too many crazy shit has happened since then.

2)Mel Gibson
If there were a most intense, or most unbalanced person for 2004, Mr. Wallace would get it. Mel Gibson is a very complex man, but he speaks his mind and doesn’t hold back so it makes people nervous. The Passion of the Christ was a reminder of Mr. Rigg’s conviction to the things he believes in. I have a great deal of respect for this man. He gave the finger to the establishment and to the majority releasing that film that had to be seen. He has always been his own man, and he does deserve a seat of Barbie’s list.

3)Google founders Larry Page and Sergey Brin
I don’t know what makes them so spectacular, but I do like Google. It is my favorite search engine. I’m feeling lucky!!!! Yeah!!!!! These guys are billionaires but they still live the normal life. Good for them.

4)Curt Schilling, Boston Red Sox pitcher
So what if he was injured and his stupid team came back to win the World Series. As far as I am concerned, the Red Sox’s fan base is that of the same mentality of the Cubs fans. They are alcoholic drunks who blame their losses on a curse. I thought the Red Sox did an unbelievable job in the baseball post season, but Schilling almost blew it when they were playing New York. Curt Schilling can take a flying leap off of Fenway Park for all I care. That goes for anyone else who is a Red Sox fan too. Bad pick. Bad bad pick. I think you should have gotten William Hung for this instead. Imagine someone who rips off other songs and sings them really poorly.

5)Usher
Jesus Christ, come on. This guy sounds like so many R & B artists out there that are saturating the radio world. It is those abs that drive the women crazy. An usher is exactly what this man needs to be. A movie usher, a theatre usher, a funeral usher, for his own funeral perhaps. If he really wanted to do his “Confessions” album justice, he could have easily wrote his first single and titled it “I Suck Ass.” I like the song with Alicia Keys. I like the sample, but then Usher ruins it when he opens his mouth. Kind of like when he is on a date. I guess I have to give credit where credit is due; at least he doesn’t go after 15 year olds and shit.

6)Paris Hilton
She can make Hustler’s top 10, and I wouldn’t say a word. However, in the real world in order to be special, you must have a talent besides fucking and filming yourself doing it. She makes herself out to be such a naïve little girl but look at all the guys she kicked it with in 2004. I am surprised her and Usher didn’t hook up and do a music video for Spice Channel. Oh wait a minute; she supposedly doesn’t like black men. Then again, a dick is a dick for her you know. You cannot justify this woman’s existence to me. She’s a model, yeah so what. There are many models out there that are smarter than her, and have a more advanced vocabulary than “that’s hot.” She wrote a book. Madonna wrote children books too. She is releasing an album. I believe the world would want to hear nails on a chalkboard rather than her stupid voice. After all, many have heard her sing a song. It is a remake of Kiss’s “Uh All Night.” Just there is no music and many squishy noises.

7) Oprah Winfrey
I know I can’t believe I am saying this but Oprah is not that bad. She gave away all those cars, she lobbied against meat (that was a while ago though), she gets away with talking about sex explicitly on daytime TV, she gave away a house, and much much more. I have watched her show a couple times this year and she is growing on me. However, I will not declare my devotion to the daytime diva until she buys me a car, or produces MJP as the first renegade show under the Harpo banner. He he he.

8)Michael Moore
As much as I can say that I appreciated Fahrenheit 9/11, I do not appreciate Michael Moore as a person. The man gave the impression that he was some kind of hero going to Iraq and talking to the soldiers about their thoughts on the war, when all along it was someone else’s film. Then, he goes to France and tells them he is ashamed to be an American. If you are so ashamed of being an American, move there you sonofabitch. Don’t sit here and tell us it is your patriotic duty as an American to make a movie that produces a powerful punch and wake up call to many uninformed Americans, and then go overseas and talk about how much our country sucks. It is OK to criticize government, not to talk about the country like that. Follow the Dixie Chicks lead and say your president, not your country jackass, embarrasses you.

9)Donald Trump
No one brings more fun to the phrase “you’re fired” than Mr. Trump. I remember my first viewing of the Donald was at Wrestlemania IV at Trump Plaza in Atlantic City. I respect him immensely even though he didn’t get his marriage shit right. I wrote off the Apprentice as another shitty reality show until I met Bill Rancic. I thought he was a pretty cool guy, so I decided to start watching the Apprentice to cheer him on. Since then, it has become a guilty pleasure of mine. I feel that Trump putting his name on everything from ice cream to water is a little eccentric, but you cannot deny the brain of this man. He knows when to get into something at the right time and walk out a winner. One of my goals for 2005, is to read The Art of the Deal. He is someone I can learn something from.

10)Ken Jennings
How does this goofball make the list? He won a damn game show. So what? Many people have won shitloads of money on game shows. Remember the first millionaire on Who Wants to Be A Millionaire? Did he get a spot on Barbie’s list? This guy is such a nerd and I hate that weasel smile of his. I don’t know why I have so much animosity towards this man. I think it is because of the smile.

Honorable mention: Michael Jae .

Barbara Walters didn’t mention Michael Jae because when Michael Jae is around her, she goes crazy inside. She sees a man in Michael Jae who terrifies her, so she can’t be in the same room as him. She sees herself in him. A person who asks the tough questions like she does. And most of all, she likes Michael Jae’s beautiful blue eyes. So she can’t talk about him or she will go into an orgasmic frenzy just by the mere mention of his name. (More like a homicidal rage.)

Truth be told, I can’t hold a candle to BW when it comes to journalistic integrity. However, when it comes to telling it like it is, I’m the most fascinating person in 2004, and don’t any of you fucking forget it!!!!!!

Your best friend,
MJ

Audio Blog 12/11/04

Audio Blog 12/9/04

December 7, 2004 (Christmas time in the city)

THE JAE JOURNALDecember 6, 2004

Hello everyone. Welcome to J^2. This is that most wonderful time of year.

The holidays are a hard time for me since my mother passed away and my family and I are not speaking to each other presently. Also, you have the added stress of working a real hard job and having yourself in financial dire straits because you need to pay back school and the holidays are not a total picnic for yourself.

However my problems are not the end of the world I know that. My girlfriend is a great person and I get to spend the holidays with her and her family is very nice to me, I have a roof over my head, a car, and your basic needs for survival. However, many people take that for granted during this season. You need to hold on to these things. There are many people out there who do not even get to enjoy a home cooked meal with their family. There are people out there who spend their Christmas in an alley somewhere. There are people in hospitals who cannot speak, walk, talk or do things you and I can.

My problem with Christmas is people do not enjoy the gift of giving. They revel in the thrill of taking. How many presents can I get this year? It is cool getting presents, but I love to give. I remember when I was younger; I used to be really bad about presents. My dad called me under the carpet as he has in everything in my life. However this one time, I listened. And never again did I give really bad presents. He yelled at me again for spending so much money, but that’s OK. Christmas is about joy, love, and giving. Some people believe is about getting the best sale at Wal Mart. That is sad. ABC reported that 82% of the people who go shopping on “Black Friday” buy things for themselves. Shouldn’t you be using that day for presents for others?

Then of course there is the Jesus factor. Jesus is an icon, Santa is make believe. Yet we spend most of our Christmas time talking about Santa. Not to sound like a religious nut here but is Santa going to get you into heaven? I believe Jesus is an iconic figure for all and a great role model. What did Santa do but give kids presents and eat all their cookies? I don’t think Santa actually gives anyone coal either. If you are an atheist or someone who disagrees, you are entitled to your opinion. This is what I believe, and 90% of the time what I believe is true. He he he. By the way, to the DMFs who want to make Christmas Xmas, give me a fucking break!!! How about we X you off the planet?

Point being, Christmas is more than giving than receiving. That is all. Look for some more biting commentary on the next journal. In fact, I think I am going to break down the list of the 10 most fascinating people of 2004 that Barbara Walters is preparing. Do you know what I find fascinating? I find it fascinating that Barbara Walters hasn't gone away like she said she would.

See you soon.
MJ

Audio Blog Dec. 1, 2004